Uno: Unova

Q882 How do u get to other regions in pokemon white

Ya don't! HeartGold and SoulSilver is a rare treat, youngster. On a sidenote, Game Freak, please make a game with all the regions in it, or at least the five main-series regions. Pretty please?

a882 Unova is the only accessible region in Pokemon White.

Get Eggcited

Q853 How many eggs are in pokemon black?

Dude--just take a couple hundred more steps, and there'll be another egg. The game will keep obliging you so long as you're that bored. "Ah, it's you! We were raising your Pokemon, and my goodness we were surprised! Your Pokemon was holding an egg. We don't know how it got there, but your Pokemon had it. You do want it, don't you?" Such a clever old man. He knows exactly how it got there, and he's produced THOUSANDS.

a853 As many as you want.

Intrinsic Inquisition

Q773 Do i go in the secret intrence or the regualar intrence to find garatina in pokemon diamond

a773 The secret entrance will probably lead you to Giratina, but I have no idea what you're referring to.

Labs: How Do They Work?

Q612 Are there people in laboratories trying to make real pokemon?

Yeah, you know how scientists love to create new species for the sake of making them kill each other. This question isn't even funny; it's just a waste of electrons.

a612 Magic 8 Ball says: Maybe.

That Thing Pikachu Does

Q540 What is pikachu's attack off of pokemon

...there are plenty, but I can see why you're asking because the obscure names can be hard to remember. I mean, "Thunder Shock", "Thunder Wave", "Thunderbolt", and "Thunder" are so counter-intuitive.

a540 Pikachu's signature move is Thunderbolt.

Money (That's What I Want)

Q505 What would you want to do before defeating the pokemon league in version black?

Well, since you asked... I'd like to take a long walk on that digital beach before my enthusiasm for the main story line floats away with N. I'd also like to repeatedly stomp all over Bianca's Pokemon. And catch Kyurem. But that's just me.

a505 -Spoiler Alert- Stock up on Ultra Balls to catch Reshiram.

My Chap

Q445 When does Machap level up in Pokemon blue version

Although I appreciate that I often appear to be an asshole about spelling, grammar, and really just the English language in general, the meaning here is severely mangled. Does Asker mean "level up", or was he (most likely) looking for the verb "evolve"? Are we talking about MachaMp or MachOp? Whatever, here goes nothing:

a445 Machoke evolves into Machamp when traded.

None of the Above

Q423 Are pokemon heart gold and soul silver for gameboy advanced or gameboy color?

a423 Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver are for Nintendo DS.

From the Desk of Prof. Elm

Q411 Where can i find a trainer with chicorita in pokemon soulsilver

What on earth...? I mocked a similar inquiry, perhaps even from the same person, saying "You want to know where you can defeat a Chikorita?" YES. Yes this guy does. With a little investigation, it turns out that you cannot have Chikorita in your National Dex if you choose Cyndaquil. Yet even that cannot save the steaming turd that is this question. Ask a friend if they'll give you an egg that will hatch into one. Or, if you have no friends, ask the GTS for a Bayleef or Meganium, which are in your National Dex, and breed that on your own. Just accept this as a side-effect of a game that tries its best to encourage trading. Speaking of which, Chikorita is on Professor Elm's desk the whole time. He couldn't simply, you know, slip you a peek so you can obtain data for his own Pokedex? Yeah, screw you, Gamefreak.

a411 You must trade to have Chikorita in your National Dex.

My Signature Move (maybe)

Text signatures: annoying, obnoxious, and sometimes worthy of mockery.

Even people who ask reasonable questions occasionally maim their reputations with laughable handles at the end. Are these individuals worthy of a special corner in this blog--"Pokedope Sigs"? If this post can collect 10 votes in favor, it shall be.

Stater Pokemon

Q351 What are the other 2 stater pokemon in pokemon crystal?

Aside from the comical lack of the letter "r" in "starter", this post is missing something. Can you figure it out?

a351 That largely depends on which starter you chose.

For Starters

Q328 In pokemon soul silver, will any trainers carry starter pokemon?

Uh... you carry a starter Pokemon, so that's one. Your rival, so there's two. If you've played Pokemon before (which seems unlikely), you'd know that there are a handful of others, but that it *doesn't* *matter.* Why is this even being asked?! You want to know where you can defeat a Chikorita? You certainly can't *catch* someone else's starter Pokemon. This question was in fact so pointless I forgot to answer it.

Pokemon in Wilmington?

Q320 Where do you get Pokemon games in Wilmington Delaware?

...Surely this is laziness. Certainly you are asking this because you have no data plan and the computer is in the other room. There is no obscure ban or blacklisting of Pokemon in Wilmington, nor are GameStops scarce. There are more than three. Asker must have seen one before. Jeez. Sorry for the extended absence guys, I was gearing up for VGC.

a320 GameStop is a great source of Pokemon games, and there are multiple GameStops in the Wilmington area.

Black and White, Misread all over

Q283 add me as a friend? :) My name is Adam Trostle and my profile picture is me in an abbey road shirt in a black and white picture

The Service is getting cocky. Not everything that contains the phrase "black and white" is about Pokemon. I must say though, it's hard to fault them for not knowing what to do with a question like this.

a283 Dear Adam Trostle, I no longer have an account with facebook, sorry.

Use your "DS, Player"?

Q267 Can pokemon black be played on gamecube?

Hilarious. What's more, this asker can't be a little kid--they own a GameCube! Get it together, or maybe get a life and take off your crummy trollerskates. Award yourself one bonus point if you see what I did in the title.

a267 Pokemon Black cannot be played on GameCube.

Incomp

Q255 What button do you pu on pokemon pearl

Realistically, this question is incomplete. My mind jumps to "pu" as an intended "push", and even then, the rest of the question is missing. I also thought "pu" might be an acronym for "permanent use", as in registering something to the select button, but I believe I was giving the asker too much credit there. Ignoring the second possibility, it becomes a question of personal preference. I pu the A button all day long, but maybe that's just me. Oh yeah, and googling "pu button" doesn't point to anything intelligible.

a255 I have no idea what you're talking about.

Poké-Penny-Pincher

Q229 in pokemon soul silver do you get your poke ball back if you release a pokemon

Sounds like someone used their Master Ball. You can't reuse Pokeballs that never even housed a Pokemon. This is just pitiful. I sincerely hope the person asking this is 8 years old and playing Pokemon for the first time. On the other hand, that means eight year-olds are running around with cell phones. Protip: A Pokeball is a lot like a diaper. Side note: unless the asker wants their Master Ball back, WHAT A BUM! 200 Pokedollars too rich for your blood?

a229 Absolutely not. A Pokeball is a one-use item.

Cheaters

Q208 Cheat to walk throw walls on pokemon pearl

Warning: this post will be long and at times will resemble a rant.

I'll begin with the easiest target: this person's manners. Ask a question, don't state your demands. Second easiest target: "walk throw walls". Honestly, auto-correct is not that bad. Furthermore, it is highly recommended that you read what you type if you expect an accurate answer. But wait! I have a beef with the question's content, too! When I received my first question from a cheater, I figured there was no harm, I'd give the guy a solid answer and we'd both be on our way. The Service is smarter than that. Successfully answering one question about Action Replay was an invitation to be asked half a dozen more. Entering AR codes into one's cell phone is tedious and I do not care for it. Manners were once again a factor, as these cheaters seemed to have none. Lesson learned, don't respond to questions asking for cheats. I have nothing against cheaters--just rude, unknowing cheaters who happen to use the Service as their primary source. Phew.

PS: Is there a cheat to walk through walls in Pearl...?

Who's yo daddy?

Q196 On Pokemon White why dont it never show my dad?

Despite the glaring double-negative here, I think this question is probably one worth asking. Whoever asked was probably just joking around, but I looked into it anyway. A thread on Serebii offered a few opinions. What do you think? I went with this postulate:

a196 Your dad isn't shown because he's not in the game. Some have speculated that the reason Pokemon protagonists lack fathers is that Pokemon's creator did not have a strong father figure in his life.

I Pikachu, Twist Mountain

Q146 What city is twist mountain in the pokemon special pikachu edition?

I'm inclined to say there's a 50% chance that this question is just a troll! I swear, some people must be googling where to find Pokemon, then combining those locations with totally unrelated versions. I say this because I also got a question asking where the "ice path" was in White version.

a146 Twist Mountain doesn't exist in Pokemon Yellow: Special Pikachu Edition.

Non Amo

Q106 What are the que pokemon?

I don't know what to tell you, dude. I don't think "que pokemon" exist. I assumed this individual had read something in Spanish.

a106 "que" is a Spanish word meaning "that" or "what".

Gible On This

Q97 In pokemon diamond is gible hard to find

Here we have a classic mistake: the yes/no question. By all means, ask these when a simple yes or no will actually suffice--but our asker doesn't care if Gible is hard to find, asker wants to know where to find one. I probably should have said something like "Yes, Gible is nearly impossible to locate so good luck!" Instead:

a97 Gible can be found in the basement of Wayward Cave, where it has a somewhat low encounter rate.

Wizard Pokemon

Q86 if pikachoo and hermione had babies, would they be wizard pokemon?

a86 All Pokemon are Wizard Pokemon, because Wizard licenses the Pokemon trading card game. For magical powers, Hermione & Alakazam would produce better results.

Who would win in a fight?

Q71 Who would win in a fight,pokemon or yu-gi-oh?

I smiled when I read this. Thankfully it didn't reach the cell phone of a Yu-Gi-Oh lover instead (I hope). No serious answer could be given here, I had to knock Yu-Gi-Oh out of the park with a witbat. My task was clear, but there were so many directions I could go! Ultimately I decided on this:

a71 Considering that Yu-Gi-Oh beasts are summoned from cards, I would think a single Flamethrower from a Charizard could destroy thousands of Yu-Gi-Oh monsters.

Your menus? Know them!

Q59 What happens when u use a moon stone on eevee in pokemon fire red

There are at least three reasons why this question is moronic. First: If you've played Pokemon before, you would know that the last bit of information is unnecessary. A Moon Stone does the same thing to Eevee as it did in RBY, GSC, RSE, DPPt, and BW: Nothing. Second: If you actually had Pokemon FireRed in front of you, you would be able to select the Moon Stone, and Eevee would have "UNABLE" next to it. If reason two doesn't apply, refer to reason the Third: You clearly don't have Pokemon FireRed in front of you, so WHY are you asking this?

a59 Nothing happens when you use a Moon Stone on Eevee.

There Are Dumb Questions, and People Ask them About Pokemon

We've all heard the expression "there's no such thing as a dumb question", an anecdote to encourage struggling students to speak up when they're confused. Though it might have its place in the classroom, this quip is false. There are dumb questions, and people ask them about Pokemon every day. With my smaller chunks of free time (like standing in line at the grocery store), I answer questions pro bono for a text messaging service that shall remain anonymous. Occasionally I get a meaningful or humorous inquiry, but mostly I receive dreadful English, a poor grasp of the game, and abundant laziness. I answer them all seriously--I hope that I will get part time work from this company. Each question is numbered by said service, and so each post on this blog will have its own number. This isn't advertising, where "reason #108" is actually just reason #4--I really do field as many questions as the number(s) suggest. "Don't Ask: Pokemon" is my collection of the funniest, stupidest, and most ridiculous questions I answer.

Enjoy, and please comment too!